Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Own Worst Enemy

Hypnogogic hallucinations are a bitch.  For those that don’t know, they aren’t really hallucinations in the traditional sense.  Or so my psychiatrist told me back in the day, ha ha.  I’m going to be very up front about some personal issues here, but it’s necessary to inform my current situation. 
When I was in my freshman year of high school, I had to leave traditional school for independent study.  I have an anxiety disorder that mostly has to do with social phobia.  For a time, I had trouble leaving certain rooms and I don’t think I left the house for a few months.  But when it came time for college, I manned up and worked to desensitize myself to the phobia.  The hypnogogic hallucinations are the death-throes of the anxiety disorder.  They happen whenever I am very stressed and have just woken up or am about to fall asleep.  They are generally visual, but are sometimes auditory and “tangible” as well.
As I was returning from the doctor’s today, there was a masked figure of indeterminate gender at the end of my hall.  I didn’t notice it until I had my keys in the door.  When I saw it, it rushed me.  It rushed right through me, and disappeared. 
I am fairly positive that Hallowed/Proxies don’t do that.  They tend to be solid, yes?  So I am going to go out on a limb and say that it was in my mind.  So, it looks as if I have to worry about external and internal mindfuckery.
It would probably help if I tried to sleep properly.  Recently, I’ve developed a bit of insomnia.  Can you blame me?  Tomorrow, I will call up my doctor and see if I have any refills left of the antipsychotic.  That is the scariest name for a pill type ever.  With luck, it will suppress the hypnogogic hallucinations.  By the way, I sprained my ankle during the escape from Pencildick.  Not too shabby, considering I probably should have broken it.  Or died.  Can’t forget that.
I haven’t seen Delia since that night at the window.  I hope she’s all right.

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